nosdrinker:

you make it to the final round on who wants to be a millionaire and the $1,000,000 question is

ok do u finger urself

stand-up-comic-gifs:

He’s just mad because he can’t acquire all the apple juice that I’m acquiring. (x)

waywardvagabondslilcousin:

a woman has twins and gives them up for adoption

one of them goes to a family in egypt and is named amal the other goes to a family in spain they name him juan

years later juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. upon receiving the picture she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of amal

he responds “theyre twins if youve seen juan youve seen amal”

You know what would have been funny?

Me driving a big truck with a manual transmission full of my stuff, bouncing and lurching down the QEII on my way to Edmonton.

Thank fucking goodness it ended up being an automatic.

nevver:

“I like to think the same words that hurt can heal. It’s a matter of how you pick them.” — George Carlin

nevver:

“I like to think the same words that hurt can heal. It’s a matter of how you pick them.” — George Carlin

There are times when I look at people and I see nothing worth liking.

Always reblog There Will Be Blood.